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I'm Happy for You (Sort Of...Not Really): Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison, by Kay Wills Wyma
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Is comparison living hijacking your life?
Do you find yourself measuring your value against your friend’s house, body, marriage, resume, paycheck, organic garden, or Pinterest-worthy holiday d�cor, and coming up lacking? Do your college roommate’s Instagram snapshots bear little resemblance to the scene at your house this morning?
Excessive comparison and competition sap our energy and steal our joy. Our friends become our audience and judges, and our kids become part of our brand. Add social media’s constant invitation to post and peruse, and it’s no wonder that we’re left exhausted, discontent, and lonely. Thankfully, there is another way!
With� refreshing candor and humor, Kay Wyma shares her experiences with comparison living and offers readers the simple remedies that helped her and her family reboot their perspective and discover freedom, authenticity, and joy.
- Sales Rank: #200590 in Books
- Brand: WaterBrook Press
- Published on: 2015-05-05
- Released on: 2015-05-05
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 7.99" h x .65" w x 5.19" l, .40 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 240 pages
Review
Praise for
I’m Happy for You (Sort of…Not Really)
“Kay Wills Wyma once again champions a much-needed culture shift—with heartfelt insight she challenges us to choose contentment over comparison. I’m Happy for You gently exposes the growing obsession with self-promotion and one-upmanship that’s wearing us all out and, thankfully, offers wise solutions.”
—Tracey Eyster, Founder of FamilyLife’s MomLifeToday.com; author of Be the Mom and Beautiful Mess
“Kay Wills Wyma captured my attention with her belly-laughing good storytelling steeped in reality as she tackled a question that’s long overdue for an honest answer: What should we do about this comparison trap we find ourselves falling into daily? When comparison steals contentment, it’s a problem that demands a solution. Kay gives it to us in a way that is easy on the heart and good for the soul.”
—Elisa Pulliam, author and life coach
“Who knew comparison was so prevalent and destructive? Awakening to this alone is worth the time invested in reading this honest and sometimes raw literary gem. Comparison’s thievery of joy is arrested by the ‘just let it go’ practicality Kay offers so transparently and humorously. It might just put you on the path toward contentment and gratitude, a road less traveled.”
—Robin Pou, executive coach and attorney mediator; coauthor of Performance Intelligence at Work
“Kay Wyma has managed to address what we’re all dealing with on a daily basis—the ability to instantly compare our life to someone else’s with just a mere look at our phone. There we can see all the ways we are failing to be the best mom, the best wife, the best friend…and the list goes on. In the pages of I’m Happy for You, Kay offers insight into why we do this and how we can stop the cycle. If you’re looking to live a life of contentment and authenticity and to be okay when your kid is the C student and not the valedictorian, you’ll find comfort and realistic solutions in the pages of this book.”
—Melanie Shankle, New York Times best-selling author of Sparkly Green Earrings
“I’m Happy for You is honest and funny, while tackling a serious problem that is stealing our joy: comparison. Kay creatively uses stories and personal confession to reveal the pitfalls of comparing, while offering a solid ladder—built on godly wisdom—to help us climb out of that pit. I wish I could pass this book on to every woman who has worn herself out trying to achieve unrealistic standards. There’s freedom on these pages.”
—Jennifer Dukes Lee, author of Love Idol
“Kay Wyma hit a home run on the Focus on the Family radio program when she talked about ways moms can combat the entitlement mentality in their kids. In her new book, she scores another hit with an insightful discussion of the pitfalls of comparing your life to others, especially through social media. Her advice is timely and relevant.”
—Jim Daly, president of Focus on the Family
“Victims of comparison drive-bys litter the Internet. There are virtual warehouses of new ways to covet your neighbor’s home, decorating skills, summer vacation plans, or Pinterest-perfect kids’ birthday parties. In this paralyzing culture of obsessive comparisons, this book is the detox we all need. With a sense of humor and an unrelenting honesty, Kay walks us through the steps to finding our worth again in the God who never compares us but always only calls us by name.”
—Lisa-Jo Baker, community manager for (in)courage; author of Surprised by Motherhood
“There is no joy to be found in comparing ourselves to others. Fortunately, with both cultural relevance and biblical foundation, Kay Wills Wyma accurately defines not only the comparison problem, but offers a solution. I’m Happy for You is a must-read for anyone caught in the comparison trap.”
—Joshua Becker, best-selling author of Simplify; founder of Becoming Minimalist
“For years I’ve said ‘Comparison is the kiss of death of gratitude.’ Whether we stroll the shopping malls, thumb through catalogs, shop online, or inadvertently compare ourselves to others, we are imperceptibly overwhelmed with longings to be like someone else, to have something else, believing it somehow enhances our identity. The pursuit of bigger, better, newer, and more never stops. With a compelling lilt, Kay Wills Wyma’s pen pulls us along only to expose and confront our comparison battle. From one co-struggler to another, Kay brings us perspective and relief.”
—Dr. Michael Easley, former president of Moody Bible Institute; teaching pastor; host of Michael Easley inContext
“Kay Wills Wyma has opened a powerful window on the reality of comparison and how it’s impacting all of us, including vulnerable young lives. With social media, instead of just keeping up with the Joneses, we’re now keeping up with the world. Kay navigates us through the pressures we all face and teaches us how to be genuinely happy for others and deliberate about our current situation and future plans at every stage of life.”
—Kathy Ireland, chair/CEO/chief designer at kathy ireland Worldwide
About the Author
Kay Wills Wyma is a blogger, mother of five, and the author of Cleaning House. She has appeared on The TODAY Show, CNN, Glenn Beck, The New York Times, Focus on the Family, and other media outlets. Before becoming a stay-at-home mom, she held positions at the White House, the Staubach Company, and Bank of America. Kay lives in the Dallas area with her husband, Jon, and their family.
Most helpful customer reviews
20 of 24 people found the following review helpful.
Encouraging and Positive, But...
By Susan Barton, Reviewer
I really wanted to like this book. I was excited about the message: Being happy with who you are and what you have. Living in the moment. Don't risk missing precious moments because you're too busy wanting to be like someone else. In fact, one early quote really resonated with me:"Looking at what we lack prevents us from noticing how sweet the world already is. But when we shift our focus from what could be to what actually is, we find extraordinary joy in our ordinary lives." What a lovely and positive sentiment. Plus I liked the book's catchy, humorous title.
I really hate when I'm one of the few people who isn't raving about a particular book, but I had some difficulty raving about this one. Early on I began to feel as though the author and her friends spend a great deal time envying everyone around them. For me, the constant "comparison obsession" just didn't seem realistic. Real, everyday life is just too darn hectic to spend so much time ruminating over what everyone else has or does - at least for me it is. Maybe a fleeting thought here and there, but all the time? Highly unlikely. Yet the author confides that she "struggles with comparison almost from the minute (she) gets out of bed." This is an actual quote from the book. At one point she went on for several pages about how she had agonized over what embarrassing things her friend might have seen in her refrigerator when she brought over some brownies. It also struck me as though Ms. Wyma was trying very hard to make her case for what she's coined, "obsessive comparison disorder". Even going back to biblical times to suggest the story of Adam and Eve is really about Eve's sudden knowledge that "someone had something she didn't" (and perhaps not about temptation and disobedience to God as we may have originally thought?).
When the author started discussing the impact of social media on society and the obsession with achieving the perfect body I thought I'd find some good information. But instead I found generalized and empty statements that served to further group everyone together as a dysfunctional whole. Things like "each of us carries a mental mirror..." and "Glamour magazine recently conducted a follow-up survey from thirty years ago...the results revealed that women feel worse about themselves today." A Glamour magazine survey is in no way reliable enough to sway me one way or another about anything and I'm too darn busy to carry a mental mirror around with me all the time. I have a difficult time with books that try to group all of society together in order to make a point.
I do have to say that the author has included some positive and encouraging tidbits in the form of quotes, sayings and footnotes. She's clearly intelligent and her writing is easy to read. She's also a woman of faith and that comes through in her words. (Although, when she talked about buying flowers for a woman who stole her parking spot at the grocery store I admit I did a mental eye roll.) There is a definite religious element in this book that readers may or may not appreciate, depending on their own beliefs. I think the author's heart was in the right place, but the delivery just wasn't there - at least it wasn't for me.
2.5 Stars
eBook Review Gal received a complimentary copy of this book from Net Galley and Blogging for Books in exchange for an honest review.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Much-needed book for our culture
By Denise McFarland
I'm Happy For You {Sort Of...Not Really}: Finding Contentment In A Culture Of Comparison by Kay Wills Wyma is a much-needed breath of fresh air for our current culture that measures people's worth on the size of their house, the model of their car, how many likes their Facebook and Instagram posts get, and what clothes they wear. I notice that I've struggled with the problem of contentment and comparison much, much more since Facebook and social media was created: people frame their lives by snapshots of the best moments, the best meals, the best outfits, and more - but no one sees the reality behind the scenes and feels like they don't live up to the false standards. I'm Happy For You is a decisive attack on the culture of comparison. The book description reads:
"Is comparison living hijacking your life?
Do you find yourself measuring your value against your friend’s house, body, marriage, resume, paycheck, organic garden, or Pinterest-worthy holiday d�cor, and coming up lacking? Do your college roommate’s Instagram snapshots bear little resemblance to the scene at your house this morning?
Excessive comparison and competition sap our energy and steal our joy. Our friends become our audience and judges, and our kids become part of our brand. Add social media’s constant invitation to post and peruse, and it’s no wonder that we’re left exhausted, discontent, and lonely. Thankfully, there is another way!
With refreshing candor and humor, Kay Wyma shares her experiences with comparison living and offers readers the simple remedies that helped her and her family reboot their perspective and discover freedom, authenticity, and joy."
This book is divided into 12 chapters, covering keeping up appearances, our obsession with others, coming to terms with the inequalities of life, and more. Kay writes in an easy to read, interesting, and funny style. This is a pretty quick read, but there is a lot of truth to soak in. I feel like this should be required reading for everyone today - personally, I have had to step back from much of social media and I'm a much happier person as a result. Our focus needs to shift on being content with what we have rather than comparing what we have with everyone else we know. We can't find peace in God when we're constantly struggling with discontentment. Kay has a way of cutting to the chase and offering practical solutions and steps to true contentment. I highly recommend this book to everyone struggling in this area.
I received a copy of this book from Blogging For Books in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Light, breezy read
By Paula Vince
The 'Obsessive Comparison Disorder' described in this book is the sort of trait we don't find socially acceptable to admit to, so it's interesting to come across books which deal with it. This one is more of a light, breezy read than a dense, heavy one, and I might have preferred something more in the middle. I didn't like the first half of this book, but loved the second.
At first, most of Kay Wyma's examples seemed to be focused on FWPs (first world problems). Empty car parks getting stolen, visitors catching sight of crammed fridges and clothes on bathroom floors, girls comparing their thigh gaps. No doubt we've all been agitated by these types of things, but after several pages of reading about someone else dealing with them, I was finding it a bit much.
The solutions she offers come across more like non-solutions at times. In the author's own words, 'What if we stop looking at others to envy them, and instead look at them to appreciate them and celebrate their success?' Really? Apart from stating the obvious, isn't that a bit like telling a lame man, 'You could cross that road, if you just get up and walk'? Sure, we may need to change our mindsets, but how about some tools to help us figure out how, rather than circular arguments. Question: How do we overcome envy? Answer: Stop being envious.
Also, I was noticing a few too many pearls of wisdom in the form of, 'I told them this.' Once again in the author's own words, 'At this point I couldn't stop myself steering both of us toward truth.' On the whole, Kay Wyma doesn't come across as a smug person, but these were getting frequent enough to count. Maybe it's just a mother's reflex. That might be another thing. I too have a family of kids ranging from young adults down to smaller ones, so I could relate to her, but wondered whether she might be losing other readers with different life circumstances.
The second half improved out of sight. She delves into more meaty matter, such as the fact that no life path we choose is likely to measure up to our unrealistic expectations in every respect. This is wisdom we'd do well to know, because we have more chance of sticking to the course happily if it doesn't take us by surprise.
But what I liked best is when she explained how our cultural bias toward quantifying everything puts unnecessary pressure on all of us. The social media age just compounds the problem. How many attendees, subscribers, viewers, likes, fans and facebook shares do we have? We're encouraged to get a handle on the 'Personal Branding Movement' and make sure we have neat, pithy, consistent messages across multiple platforms; blog, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, LinkedIn. And personal development lists are rife across social media, just giving us more ammunition to feel guilty about not living up to. Just drawing our attention to the craziness we all call normal is enough to help us draw a deep breath and take a step back. I found it worth plowing through the rest of book just for this part.
Thanks to WaterBrook Multnomah, Net Galley and Blogging for Books for my review copy.
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